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Features Section

Feature 3 - A FUNNY THING

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I've got a great doctor. He gave me six months to live. When I couldn't pay his bill, he gave me another six.
Paddy lost £15 on a horse race - then lost a tenner on the action replay.
Is Karl Marx's grave just another Communist plot?
Strip poker is the only game where the more you lose, the more you have to show for it.
Middle class children take riding lessons and dancing lessons; lower class children take anything that isn't nailed down.
It is now a proven fact that cigarette smoking is the biggest cause of statistics
Psychiatrist: "I'm afraid you're stark raving mad"
Patient: "I want a second opinion"
Psychiatrist: "All right then, you're ugly as well"
England's team for the next World Cup was finally chosen today. It's called Germany!
A Robber walked into a bank and said to the manager "Give me all the money". The manager said "Take the books as well, I'm a thousand pound short"
Patient "Doctor, would you look at my shins?"
Doctor: "Good Heavans, they've been hacked to pieces - looks like everyone's been kicking you. Have you been playing soccer or rugby?"
Patient "No, Bridge"
I feel good today: I was up at the crack of six this morning, took a brisk walk to the bathroom, and was back in bed by 6.05
The traffic situation in New York is now almost impossible. A cop gave me a ticket for parking - I told him he should have given me a medal.
Insanity is hereditary - you catch it from you children
I've got every disease in the book - except Hypochondria
A Furrier crossed a mink with a baboon. The result was a beautiful fur but the arms are too long.
I Read about the evils of drinking - so I gave up reading.
Paddy's got a new job - he's a lifeguard in a car wash
Motorist: "Can I park here"
Cop: "No"
Motorist: "What about all these other cars?"
Cop: "They didn't ask"
Cricketer to umpire "You must be the worst umpire on earth" Umpire: "I doubt it - that would be too much of a coincidence"
A Scot died and left his cousin all the money the cousin owed him
Personally, I'm against political jokes - all too often they get elected to Office.
"Waiter, Waiter. what is this stuff ?"
"It's bean soup, sir"
"I asked for the recipe, not its history"
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